In fact, I was struggling with the idea anyone would find it erotic. Eventually I got used to it being in the room where it became less relevant because I gradually learned to control myself. I still masturbated every night though mostly I quit fantasizing about the device. I got more into myself and how I looked and fashion. I did wear it a couple of times, to get used to it, like you do high heels. I couldn’t get it adjusted right so, unlike high heels, it was always uncomfortable on me, so I lost interest. It just wasn’t for me.Another problem was my voice. It could be embarrassing from time to time, and, as usual, Mom had a solution. She had me find videos on Youtube which discussed this very issue with solutions, which mainly just involved recording your own voice and playing it back over and over until you got the tone and timbre you liked then practicing, practicing, practicing. It really didn’t take all that long until I had the voice I wanted and sounded authentic. I just knew I could make myself feel good, and after a while I’d get this big pleasure and release. I did it a couple times a week, maybe.But with puberty ... The guys looked different. Mostly men -- the boys my age were still like little kids, and when they got to be pimply and awkward that wasn’t an improvement. But men. Mr. Chase, the English teacher ... Ooooo.Then I saw porn for the first time. The first time I saw a guy mounting a girl and sticking his penis in, I thought, “I want that!” I wanted a man, I wanted to see that big penis, and I wanted to feel it force its way into my vagina. My pussy got hot and wet as I looked. Because it wanted that cock on the screen. I wanted a man very much like that one with his stiff cock to appear right there, and I wanted him to shove it way up my pussy. As soon as I was alone in my bedroom, I pulled down my panties and masturbated. I came quick, and it felt great as usual. But it wasn’t enough. I stuck a finger in my pussy and shoved it in.
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